SUPER BAD MOOD!!!!

hardly can get to see him tis month.hopping our wed meeting can be a wonderful day.end up is i hope too muchh.. only can spend half day togther.sigh.so diappointed!!! or am i too selfish? feel so upset!! already dont know what he actually thinking.wonders alot. the more i wonder the more i feel uneasy. i just want a simply normal relationship.dont know why everytime ending is this mess. am i not tat good? or i dont deserve any love from anyone? sigh. think im gonna sleep soon!!!

♥ simply jovin ♥

after so many days finally meet up with my sweet baby. hugs

suppose to meet up with ling and alex too for dinner, but ling too tired le..so postphone de dinner..if know early then wont go prata house liao... though to grab someth light.so dinner can eat with ling and alex...=[ but nvm...fine with me..^^ can spend time with my baby enough for me le...went defu lane after that..as baby wanna sell his sp... headed to yacht club after that..but kind of lost our way there..lol...reached there around 830 plus..then went house pub for drinkin session. sigh..should be a nice and wonderful night de..but i dun really enjoy it cos saw baby de so call EX gf over there..sigh..spoil mood...make me so emo. and make me think alot..his ex got the figure..lookin also not bad..compare to me is so big different.sigh..really no idea why baby will like me...haii.... home around 3 like tis.

been wanting to loss wt.success once.but end up failed again.

this time round im going to be very strict to myself liao.

till dec i muz loss back to last yr de me. sigh...

gonna be very strict on my diet as well...as next week onwards will be busy workin..no time for exercise.so have to be strict on wad i eat.if not sure failed again de.. have to jia you. though baby say he nv xian qi me..but i know everyone also wish the other partner will be nice figure etc de... and baby also not tat fat lor..but me...SIGH!!! time to do something about it. wish me luck!!!

♥ simply jovin ♥

心情很不好，想好多事。

好想哭。如果时间能倒流，希望可以停在我那愚蠢的时候，让一切都从来。

可能我的出现是错的吧。如果没出现，你就不会整天都闷闷不乐，整天想这么多。

不管我做任何事你都不开心的，每当我问你的过去你都只是在敷衍，从来不跟我说。

“在一起” 要五个月了。还是一样，没改变。叫你老公你却要我叫你杰，一直跟我说你不要我了，可能你只是跟我开玩笑， 但你这番话让我好伤心。不知道哪一次你是认真的。每当你跟我吵架我都好讨厌自己，责怪自己为什么一直惹你生气。如果乖乖听的话，什么事都每有了。

还以为明天可以见到你，果然。。 失望很大。 心里很不好受，好不容易等到明天，你却说你做工。好想快点找到工作就不用每天这么伤心了。不想在笑了，根本就不开心为什么还要带着面具。 开始累了， 不想笑了。 好想永远都在睡觉。心好痛！！ 越想得到的往往都不会得到，都不会属于自己的，只能看着它慢慢的离我而去。

心痛

*我走了，也许我们在一起是错的。

一起这么久了，你有在乎过我吗*

你的脸贴在我胸口
泪水早已渗透了我的衣袖
你我都沉默了许久
不该说的话你终于说出口

拥抱过后你转身就走
我笑着说再见心却在颤抖
我已没有勇气问你
离开的理由

想说声爱你已很久
可我从来都没有
以前我对你不够好
我也很难受

*只怪自己当初没有抓紧你的手
失去了你我才知道你有多重要
现在说后悔也没有用
心虽然很痛
只怪自己当初没有将爱说出口
现在想说声爱你已找不到借口
失去你以后
我连呼吸也好难受*

===========================================================

如果不小心伤害了你
你不要太伤心
因为我真的不是故意
让你受委屈

既然相爱了那么久
不能就这样分手
因为我们的爱来之不易
我真的不想放弃

*baby so sorry
baby 别伤心
我依然爱着你想着你
别离去没有你的日子真的好空虚
baby 在一起
baby 别哭泣
我依然疼着你念着你
我的心永远属于你*

原谅我这一次
我真的,好想你
不管你离我多么遥远
我会一直等着你
ha...ha...
oh baby i know you still love me
come back my lover my lover
珊珊:我在等着你的爱

♥ simply jovin ♥

cant get to sleep.so came here to do some posting

been unhappy recently

having quarrel and argument with baby. not so happy. super hate the period we quarrel and having cold war. i know baby is trying to accept who im .i know its a very hard thing.sometimes feels that im so terrible and yet he give in to me.though sometimes i very dislike his thinking.but, when he care for me so much worries for me so much.i really feel that im such a failure. sigh.im glad that we share all those happy moment together.though i know i cant expect and hope much. but i really hope he belong to me totally. i dunno when tis day will come. or maybe it wont happen either.i know he very very unhappy. trying to act happy infront of me. even he never said anything.but i can sense it. really love him alot. so scared that one day he would leave me. i dun wish tat day to come. but i know it sure happen one day.tat one day when he explode . trying to improve myself.let go everything of my stupid past.stop talkin about the past.stop walking backwards.i really want to cherish and treasure him,but how long can i grab his heart. how long can i wait to the day we officially together ? or am i jus thinking wishfully ? i really no idea. starting to scared.scared that actually everything is just like a dream. sigh. time to sleep ba. tired le.having bad headache =[ love my baby so muchh.

♥ simply jovin ♥

went yishun aunt house.

helped her do her hp and com.till 11 plus then went off with little sis..took cab back home from amk.. nothing much today...

now i then know that actually this past few month u never been happy at all.maybe all the laughter and smile is jus so fake.jus acting infront me.

after the talk tat night.found that how actually im in ur eyes. and i knew the reason of WHY we not together. today im so sad after uu said that.what is there to be happy.

being to hate myself more and more each day.feels that im back to the past.back to the past of how i hate myself. im such a loser. and i know there wont be anyone that will accept my past. wont be anyone that will accept for who im. i wont be happy again!!!! back to my black world. a world thats got nothing. jus a space of blackness.a place for all my unhappiness stuff,for my tears. or maybe like what u put. maybe its a wrong to be together?

♥ simply jovin ♥

meet up with ling at bishan around 5 plus...^^

walked around and headed to st 22 coffee shop wait for baobao jie..as meetin him and alex for dinner together... always have to wait for alex...haha...

after dinner walked to the blk there slack till 10 plus and ling and alex went off...then me and baobao jie went my house there slack..as he bought liqord..hehe..so went to buy mixer then go drink..hehe..... went mac buy food and

walked home...

sigh...feels that baobao jie still very unhappy with me...dont know how...=[

* jun & jie*

*baobao jie help me take de...ji ugly my face =[ *♥ simply jovin ♥

suppose to be a nice monday night.

ended up a bad night for me.

shouldn have tag along with my sis out.

and she didn even tell me she meetin her fren lor..if not i wont tag along. i tot she only hangin around amk with the bf.sigh. reached home and being locked outside for sometimes.damn suay. kind of pissed.but cant blame others.only can blame myself. backside itchy.wan tag along. no more next time ever.swear!!!

having a bad headache now. dun feel like eatin medicine. think going sleep soon ba. thought i could meet him tml.but.he say not meeting me. always hope so much.end up is jus my wishful thinking. think im really very terrible..always make him angry. im really very selfish. he always go out late and im angry with him.but wad about me. i like nv think of his feeling either..sigh. i know he angry with me.but he jus dun wanna tell me.i know if he really wanna say someth.the words he say might hurt me.so he rather not to talk .sigh. hate my selfishness.

I HATE TAN YAN JUN!!!! SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

♥ simply jovin ♥

tired saturday for me.

woke up very early as cant really sleep.and need to go pray as today my grandmother dead anniversary in the meantime pray for 7th month also. stress day for me.so long didnt drive le.and today my bro say he got meeting and i have to drive my mum and sis to the memorial temple. OMG.. so nervous till stomach pain..wahaha....but tis pain last for few days le...today plus nervous..pain like hell. not really a smooth drive. almost accident again.stupid car...ARGH... went lunch with family aunt and cousin loves at same place. went home after tat.took a short nap while waiting for baobao to finish his 2a lesson.=D meet up with him.and we headed to macritchie as baobao jie wanted to use toilet.so funni ..then went balestier wanted to eat tau sa piah.end up didnt open..so went united square for ben & jerry.yummy yummy..=D love it. slack around at united square after that baobao jie bring me go seesha session..hehe..so sweet.our 1st session...and went marina south pier slack and went dinner and home sweet home.

dont know why everytime i have this feeling.baoabo jie will be unhappy when we about to go home de.i dont know why.dont know what he is thinking about.he wont tell me de.=[ today he told me that he really hate my past. T_T i dont know what to say and ans him.i hate my past too.but i just cant change it anymore.its already history. i really dunno what should i do baby.i hate to see uu like this.make me feel so guilty.sigh. think going to rest soon...gastric hurting me ....

♥ simply jovin ♥

not feeling so good tonite.

sigh..

sometimes i wonder who am i actually.

why everytime i ask something, u always ans me dunno dun wanna say. what u ask me i all also tell u...sigh. am i really not tat important? kind of upset actually.but going to pretend like nothing happen. dun wan another quarrel again. not sure when tis unknown will become known. or there wont even have tis word known at all. our mindset really kind of different. going to hide things again. will try to be a happy baoabo infront of him.=) hope we can overcome all the problems we having now. can we?

♥ simply jovin ♥

today be my baobao jie de guai baobao..stay at home.=p

wasnt a good day after all...

sigh....

simply hate it so much!!!!

dont know why they want to be like tis.take things without my permission. why mus uu people be like tis. just like a thief.really hate them so much. stop being so 迷信。really bad mood....argh....fuck it sia... keep ask me go with them to their friend there to 算命.wtf. stop acting infront of me as if there is nothing happened like tis. what should i do?

♥ simply jovin ♥

today did something wrong. T_T accidentally slap baobaojie face..and he ignore me...=[

not purposely de..is just my natural reaction. im so sorry baby. feel so guilty now cos he dun really talk to me...i know he is angry and upset..cos i slap him.but i dont mean it de...

sigh..think i having a very narrow heart... must change away this....if not sure alot more things will happen....hope tml i can get to meet up with baobao jie.. though is jus company and waiting.but for me is already enough.=)

♥ simply jovin ♥

today is the day that a story begin 4 month ago.

though its a complicated story.

but jun really treasure jie alot.

but things dont go smooth for us.

shouldn have ask him to go read my blog. end up he found my old blog. a blog i used when i started blogging since year 05. and after he read.he sound weird.and this is what he told me.

原来我一直都在以为，都在认为，原来我什么 都不是。

its so upset to hear this coming out from his mouth. and i didnt even think that he is nothing after all. i dunno why he wanna compare with my exs. i treat him as someone important and he tell me he is nothing after all. dont know what to do.today he wake up and he didnt even drop me a morning msg. and he talk to me in a cold tone. feel like crying . did i do something wrong again? today should be a happy day. but im not. feels that tears are going to roll down anytime. switch off my phone,sign out msn. dont feel like entertaining anyone today. sigh. totally no mood. argh. what should i do?? T_T

but still wanna tell jie :

happy 4 month together.

though we are in tis kind of relationship.im not tat happy cos of what we are in, but overall.i do treasure the day we spent.treasure the time we are together. enjoying everything that we did together,now im making an effort to change for a better life.

杰，你是君的唯一。

♥ simply jovin ♥

simply hate this shit family.

STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT DAMN SHIT ACCIDENT!!!!

stop nagging everyday( ITS DAMN FUCKING IRRITATING)

stop treating me like im a 3year old kid

stop telling me everything that happen in the news

stop telling me this and that what can or cannot do

stop using my aunt to control me

stop taking other people or other house gal come and say

stop calling me everyday to scold and nag

stop all this shit

kind of hate my family.no more freedom.12am? Cinderella? now is the 21st century . . for goodness sake. im live in this shit world for almost 22 year.and yet im still treat like a kid. why must because of this shit accident and treat me like this. now i know what i should and cannot do. not all my friends are bad friends. only that FUCKER!!! people parents dun restrict them.and yet my parents do so. be open minded sia...fuck. now i dun play wait till when? when im 80 or 90? dont take cousin side come say or whatever shit. now is the time i go out and see... stop putting me in that cage or yours.if u really wanna chase me out.by all mean.. for sure i got place to go.and wont depend on uu all.im really tired of this shit family.this cannot that cannot.

wan go holiday with friends,cannot.

go out late cannot.

having a bf cannot.

use com cannot

tell me: WHAT ELSE CAN??

is not say i cant take care of myself. ask me only can go with aunts.how long can i follow them.go with them is so damn boring.cant even enjoy at all. i dont know why have to treat me so different from my bro and sis. cos of tat ACCIDENT?

PLEASE LA.ITS ALREADY OVER FOR HOW MANY YEARS.STOP SAYING ALL THESE ALL OVER AND OVER AGAIN. IF IM DEAD.IZZIT UU ALL WILL THEN STOP SAYING?

IF SO. HOW I WISH I WILL BE GONE ON THAT DAY. LIKE TIS ALL OF U WILL SHUT UP AND STOP NAGGING.

dont always go complain to my aunt.ask her come control me.fuck it.

♥ simply jovin ♥

recently lots of things is happening on me.. actually not really happy....dont know what should i do either. making alot of mistakes.been thinking through whole day...sigh. friends is givin advice. dont know how long all these can last.dont how long im goin to stay in unknown zone. starting to think alot. alot of IF question.argh!!! dont really wan to blog too....sians.... sians of everything.family money. friends. HIM.=[

♥ simply jovin ♥