been awhile since i last blog. tis period of time theres so much things happening . Good and bad... But unhappy stuff is much more then happy moment. Recently just got a temp job. Glad that they extend me till next yr so I won't be slackin till new year. Dunno for what reason baby ignoring me for 3 days liao.... maybe is cause he thinks that I listen to my friend more then him... But I dunno what's the real reason behind it.. Its kind of upset. Tml is our anniversary le.. Should be happy but I'm not. Feel so uneasy. can't reach him at all . Arghh... Why always before our anniversary sure quarrel de... Sometimes his words is so hurtful . Dunno what I should do. The more I wanna treasure it the more I feel he is gettin further from me... at times I will compare myself to lots of things that only will make myself upset. So tired of relationship . Why mine will never success no matter how much I tried or am I fated to be a failure for my relationship . Sigh....
Few days ago... Bro find me to discuss something. And baby is the 1st one I wanna share with. But sadly. Can't reach him at all....guess its gonna be a bad week for me...

sometimes wonder izzit worth doing so much things? am i really that selfish? had a agurement with baby. sigh. feel so upset. no matter how much i try to change its still the same.my past is always there.ex always in the topic. he never satisfied with. always unhappy about my stuff always upset about my past. sometimes i will rather he leave me, at least he wont be so upset like now.though i will be very sad.but i dont wanna see him like now,always thinks alot and cant feel that he is happy anymore. i know he is very tired.just wanna meet him and lend him on shoulder to rest on.wanna sayang him.end up he ask me to spare a thought for him.sigh. suppose to be happily do present so i can give him in time on our anniversary next sat. but now i totally no mood to continue. just like wad my sister and ling say. why do so much where by its just half yr. i know why they says so.cause its just unofficially half yr relationship. am i very stupid? knowing that it wont be the outcome i want and im just stupidly cling on . maybe he is right. so early go book for what. also dunno if that day really will go there for dinner. i know my past matters alot to him.scars on my hand matters alot either.if time could simply turned back, how i wish i can erase everything .or maybe i could get killed in that accident. so i wont meet him and i wont bring misery to him. see him like tis im not happy at all.feel so guilty. few months already. he nv happy again. im such a failure. nothing goes my way. am i going to loss him soon?

♥ simply jovin ♥

what a wednesday for me.

dont like it at all.

dunno why always like tis.one day can be so happy next day unhappy again

not a nice lantern festival tis yr.bro and gf went oversea.cousins love busy.sians.

cant get to see my baby either. super upset with my baby today.

miss his ftt.yet dun wanna tell me what the reason.sometimes i so pissed. what also dun wanna tell me.end up what i also dunno.today he so weird.keep tel me what last time last time.sense that there going to be someth bad happening soon. sigh. UPSET!!!!!!

today keep headache.stupid.end up i become liar again.HAI!! tml have to wake up go down ah ma house.cos got renovation goin on.hope to see my baby asap tml .haha. going to secretly buy tian qi fen for him.ask him buy for so many days yet he ignore.going to bite him.think tml goin house opp and get it for him. thats all for the day ba.awaiting for oct to arrive.^^

♥ simply jovin ♥

today the most happy day for me..hehe...

my 1st jb trip with baby. happy to the max.

baby pick me up at my place here and park his bike at central there and we took train to kranji. hehe.. 1st thing we reach there is to go eat the curry fish head.ji yummy lor...hehe... then went city square walk walk.then decided to watch movie.haha..watch piranha at 3pm.hehe...damn er xin lor..gross..haha.after movie wanna go take neo print de.but its kind of ex then in here..so walk around then dunno wad to do so went watch another movie at 550.a thai movie.not so nice .but overall still arlight. ^^ after that went eat our dinner and headed home after that. abit unhappy.cos i wanna buy the case but baby always say not nice de words. sigh.and i nv change money.so nvm. dun wan everyth use baby money. 1st time baby took off the ring for so long.damn damn sad=[ but nvm.... baby send me home after that.. ^^ havin headache now.going to rest soon.*yawn*

♥ simply jovin ♥

a bad sunday for me.

happily mode go meet baby.end up both black face.

sometimes i really dont know what u want from me.

in ur phone my name is just yan jun. and u control me so much.

i just accept it. i dunno who am i really to u. im starting to tired of all these quarrel. why cant we just be happy just for once. why everyday we have to quarrel over the same old thing. i already decided what i should do . just u wait and see. so upset today. always asking myself.how much do i really know about u.how much do i know if u are really serious with me. having alot of doubts. friends givin me advice but i just choose u. i choose tis path.and i wont regret. i know there wont be a day that i will have any status. didnt asked much anymore.dun even dare to ask too. im totally imperfect. im not ur the gal that u want.dun understand why u will be with me. i dont have the looks nor figure. im just a problematic person. havin a very terrible past which u cant accept at all. WHY? i really no idea.am i being too silly? history going to repeat again? simply hate myself so much. if u never be with me . u wont be so upset and tired now. u will be very happy. my appear make ur life change so much. everything seems so wrong. maybe i should hide from everyone so i wont hurt anyone again. especially the one i love. shall disappear soon. pardon me if i do so. hate to hurt the one i love so much. regrets alot. if tis time really dont works well.seriously im going to put a big full stop.

♥ simply jovin ♥

didnt blog for weeks again.

so lazy lor...got so much things happened recently..

work for so long 1st time being sacked.omg.thanks to that big boobs auntie.argh!! bites.

in future work mus careful of this type of ppl.will cause ppl to death de. =[

things never work out well for me and baby.. sigh. i really dont know what i should do. sometimes explain more mistakes more.sigh.now baby ignore me. sians.that goes my sat. sister all ignore me also.say im liar..haii.... BORED!!! shouldn wake up at all.maybe i sleep wake up maybe tml liao. =[

♥ simply jovin ♥

SUPER BAD MOOD!!!!

hardly can get to see him tis month.hopping our wed meeting can be a wonderful day.end up is i hope too muchh.. only can spend half day togther.sigh.so diappointed!!! or am i too selfish? feel so upset!! already dont know what he actually thinking.wonders alot. the more i wonder the more i feel uneasy. i just want a simply normal relationship.dont know why everytime ending is this mess. am i not tat good? or i dont deserve any love from anyone? sigh. think im gonna sleep soon!!!

♥ simply jovin ♥

after so many days finally meet up with my sweet baby. hugs

suppose to meet up with ling and alex too for dinner, but ling too tired le..so postphone de dinner..if know early then wont go prata house liao... though to grab someth light.so dinner can eat with ling and alex...=[ but nvm...fine with me..^^ can spend time with my baby enough for me le...went defu lane after that..as baby wanna sell his sp... headed to yacht club after that..but kind of lost our way there..lol...reached there around 830 plus..then went house pub for drinkin session. sigh..should be a nice and wonderful night de..but i dun really enjoy it cos saw baby de so call EX gf over there..sigh..spoil mood...make me so emo. and make me think alot..his ex got the figure..lookin also not bad..compare to me is so big different.sigh..really no idea why baby will like me...haii.... home around 3 like tis.

been wanting to loss wt.success once.but end up failed again.

this time round im going to be very strict to myself liao.

till dec i muz loss back to last yr de me. sigh...

gonna be very strict on my diet as well...as next week onwards will be busy workin..no time for exercise.so have to be strict on wad i eat.if not sure failed again de.. have to jia you. though baby say he nv xian qi me..but i know everyone also wish the other partner will be nice figure etc de... and baby also not tat fat lor..but me...SIGH!!! time to do something about it. wish me luck!!!

♥ simply jovin ♥

心情很不好，想好多事。

好想哭。如果时间能倒流，希望可以停在我那愚蠢的时候，让一切都从来。

可能我的出现是错的吧。如果没出现，你就不会整天都闷闷不乐，整天想这么多。

不管我做任何事你都不开心的，每当我问你的过去你都只是在敷衍，从来不跟我说。

“在一起” 要五个月了。还是一样，没改变。叫你老公你却要我叫你杰，一直跟我说你不要我了，可能你只是跟我开玩笑， 但你这番话让我好伤心。不知道哪一次你是认真的。每当你跟我吵架我都好讨厌自己，责怪自己为什么一直惹你生气。如果乖乖听的话，什么事都每有了。

还以为明天可以见到你，果然。。 失望很大。 心里很不好受，好不容易等到明天，你却说你做工。好想快点找到工作就不用每天这么伤心了。不想在笑了，根本就不开心为什么还要带着面具。 开始累了， 不想笑了。 好想永远都在睡觉。心好痛！！ 越想得到的往往都不会得到，都不会属于自己的，只能看着它慢慢的离我而去。

心痛

*我走了，也许我们在一起是错的。

一起这么久了，你有在乎过我吗*

你的脸贴在我胸口
泪水早已渗透了我的衣袖
你我都沉默了许久
不该说的话你终于说出口

拥抱过后你转身就走
我笑着说再见心却在颤抖
我已没有勇气问你
离开的理由

想说声爱你已很久
可我从来都没有
以前我对你不够好
我也很难受

*只怪自己当初没有抓紧你的手
失去了你我才知道你有多重要
现在说后悔也没有用
心虽然很痛
只怪自己当初没有将爱说出口
现在想说声爱你已找不到借口
失去你以后
我连呼吸也好难受*

===========================================================

如果不小心伤害了你
你不要太伤心
因为我真的不是故意
让你受委屈

既然相爱了那么久
不能就这样分手
因为我们的爱来之不易
我真的不想放弃

*baby so sorry
baby 别伤心
我依然爱着你想着你
别离去没有你的日子真的好空虚
baby 在一起
baby 别哭泣
我依然疼着你念着你
我的心永远属于你*

原谅我这一次
我真的,好想你
不管你离我多么遥远
我会一直等着你
ha...ha...
oh baby i know you still love me
come back my lover my lover
珊珊:我在等着你的爱

♥ simply jovin ♥

cant get to sleep.so came here to do some posting

been unhappy recently

having quarrel and argument with baby. not so happy. super hate the period we quarrel and having cold war. i know baby is trying to accept who im .i know its a very hard thing.sometimes feels that im so terrible and yet he give in to me.though sometimes i very dislike his thinking.but, when he care for me so much worries for me so much.i really feel that im such a failure. sigh.im glad that we share all those happy moment together.though i know i cant expect and hope much. but i really hope he belong to me totally. i dunno when tis day will come. or maybe it wont happen either.i know he very very unhappy. trying to act happy infront of me. even he never said anything.but i can sense it. really love him alot. so scared that one day he would leave me. i dun wish tat day to come. but i know it sure happen one day.tat one day when he explode . trying to improve myself.let go everything of my stupid past.stop talkin about the past.stop walking backwards.i really want to cherish and treasure him,but how long can i grab his heart. how long can i wait to the day we officially together ? or am i jus thinking wishfully ? i really no idea. starting to scared.scared that actually everything is just like a dream. sigh. time to sleep ba. tired le.having bad headache =[ love my baby so muchh.

♥ simply jovin ♥